9/11 "conspiracy"?

When I get some free moments during the day, I like to open up a tiny browser window, hide it cleverly amongst a busy part of my screen, and visit some random websites. Gizmodo, Engadget, Jalopnik, Autoblog, etc. When there's an article I find particularly interesting, I read comments.

As you've undoubtedly seen on every single website that allows comments, there are a ton of 11-year old kids posting a ton of incoherent nonsense. Usually, I just ignore. But sometimes, I get a gem like the one below, clearly written by an adult. The fact that this is an adult most likely educated at least in part through our taxpayer dollars makes it at once so hilarious and truly upsetting that people think like this. A Gizmodo reader, BethesdaBizzert, says:

BethesdaBizzert
09/23/09

There is tons of evidence 9/11 was staged. Survivors in the towers reported a huge explosion in the basement area. How do demolition experts demo a building? They take out the under infra structure first. Demo experts also cut the main core columns at an angle, a clear picture shows the tower core column cut at an angle exactly like expert demos. 6 weeks after the collapse there was MOLTEN steel. That is 500 degrees hotter than jet fuel burns. Ever heard of THERMITE? Thermite can cut through steel like a hot butter knife. Dr. Steven Jones took samples of the molten steel, with a microscopic analysis he not only found traces of thermite explosive compound but also found it to have a high sulfur content, which is consistent with THERMATE, a patent brand of thermite used in demo industry. In videos of the when the building collapsed, on slow mo, it clearly shows each floor blown out by explosives. "anyone with rudimentary structural understanding can verify the collapse" There was nothing left from the collapse!! How can a pancake theory be true when not a single core column was there after the collapse. Every thing was demolished. In a interview with a fireman he stated, "the biggest piece of office equipment he found was a inch x inch piece of a keypad from a phone. I can go on all day about how the government panned and executed 9/11 attacks.

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ripfire promoted this comment

Mr./Ms. BethesdaBizzert apparently has been watching too many OMG-Bush-is-trying-to-kill-us-all-so-he-can-wage-war-on-Iraq "documentaries", and/or reading too many of those nonsense websites. Let's dig through this heap of shit piece by piece...

"Survivors in the towers reported a huge explosion in the basement area".

So you're on a random floor in a 110-story-tall building. A sudden explosion rocks through the entire structure. Immediately, you and a whole bunch of other survivors realize that an explosion went off in the basement, eh? Sounds like some pretty intense "seismic reasoning" going on. You know when a plane flies too low, or a space shuttle enters/exits orbit, and you hear that loud sonic boom? I'd be willing to bet that at least a few of those times had you thinking that the sound/rumble was emanating from the ground. Or maybe planes actually don't exist yet. Those are really kites, and the government secretly blows up a house every time the say a shuttle is flying by.

"A clear picture shows the tower core column cut at an angle exactly like expert demos."

Okay, so first, you've found "evidence" that there was "expert" cutting. Then, you later state,"How can a pancake theory be true when not a single core column was there after the collapse. Everything was demolished." Hmm. Conflicting facts, buddy? Where are these "clear pictures" you speak of?

"6 weeks after the collapse there was MOLTEN steel. That is 500 degrees hotter than jet fuel burns."

I think what you're trying to say is that people discovered molten steel, and steel doesn't melt at the temperature at which jet fuel burns. Except, the jet fuel wasn't the only thing burning. Say you light a piece of paper on fire. It burns at approximately 420-470°F. Then you use that to light up a whole bunch of other things that burn much hotter. Like gasoline, or coals, or your beloved thermite. Now THOSE are all burning too, AND they're burning at a hotter temperature than paper alone! Holy fuck, conspiracy!!!

"Anyone with rudimentary structural understanding can verify the collapse."

You know what good structural engineers do when they make tall buildings? They make sure that if, God forbid, two fucking airplanes crash into them, they fall in a neat pile, not all over every other smaller building in the area. Who do you think knows their buildings better, the guys designing landmarks like the fallen WTC towers, or the guys who put fireworks into windows to blow up Vegas hotels?

"I can go on all day about how the government panned and executed 9/11 attacks."

And I can go on all day about how fucking uneducated and sheep-like you are. Good luck in life, buddy.


It's pathetic and sad that people like this attempt to turn such a tragic, historic, and humbling experience into some petty political finger-pointing battle. If you think like this guy, go fuck yourself.

Guys can't help being horndogs

Before I begin, I need to make the disclaimer that I picked up the basis of the ideas presented here from a man named Paul R. Abramson, arguably one of the world's top authorities on sex. I had the privilege of attending several lectures of his at UCLA, and I must say that he's a brilliant man.

It's common-knowledge, properly stated or otherwise, that "guys are all horndogs". We are. Any guy who says he doesn't think about sex all the time is a fucking liar. The also say that guys think about sex every 4 seconds (add or subtract a few seconds depending on which variant of this bullshit quote you've heard). I think a more accurate statement is that guys think about sex one time in their lives; that time started somewhere in 4th grade, then it hasn't stopped, ever.

But the problem is that we really can't help it. Look at it this way. If I'm a horny little fucker, I'm gonna fuck a lot of girls, and I'll inevitably have a lot of kids; and, because people tend to take after their parents in physical and personal traits, my kids will have a higher tendency to be horny little fuckers too. On the flip side, if I'm a little sex-hating weirdo, I'm not likely to make many babies, so there won't be many sex-hating weirdo kids running around. Whether you're a believer of intelligent creation or science, mankind has been around for enough generations that we're only going to get hornier and hornier as we take after our horny dads and our horny grandads, and all the other horny fuckers that came before us.

It's nature. Accept it.

The force of Asian gravity

I'm Asian, but I really dislike eating at typical "Asian" places. Koreatown, Chinatown, Japantown... I avoid them all when possible. All in all, I like legitimate, English-speaking establishments. Yes, I did just imply that many Asian establishments are not "legitimate".

There's one thing I should make clear. When my friends and I go to a non-Asian restaurants, we aren't those odd Asians who don't know what they're ordering, who are dressed like fucking freaks, and who try to save a penny in every single way possible. I don't order a single soft-drink to share between four people, I don't ask for a million free orders of side-salads, I don't take a couple of french fries to-go after my meal, and I do tip like the baller that I am.

All-in-all, I'm pretty good about getting friendly with servers, hosts, managers, and whoever else I run into at any establishment, restaurant or otherwise. I make good conversation, I order lots of stuff (meaning they know I'm a customer who's got a fair amount of money), and I smile a lot. But there's one thing that instantly turns me into an annoyed, irritable customer: other Asians.

You see, when I'm enjoying my time away from Asians, the last thing I want to see is a bunch of filthy Asians. They come in, always seem to end up at the table right next to you, then carry on like a bunch of stupid Asians. Notice the emphasis on Asian, like the way you'd say,"No, he doesn't have a huge dick. He's Asian...". What makes it worse is that they always seem to somehow blend in with you, creating some kind of shitty little "Asian island" within an otherwise perfectly fine environment.

I guess it isn't specific to restaurants either. When I walk around Ikea, I'm suddenly walking side-by-side with some filthy Asian. When I'm at an amusement park, I'll find myself in a roller-coaster car sandwiched between some old Asians. Seriously: what the fuck?

Hybrids

With gas prices going through the roof and government-imposed MPG requirements becoming increasingly stringent, a lot of people are hyped about hybrid cars. Hybrid cars, in fact, are nothing new (Honda's original Insight was introduced to the market 10 years ago), but the obsession with them certainly is. The only problem is that the love of hybrids is founded purely in clever marketing and cool commercials, with little actual content.

The problem with hybrid cars is that they do little to nothing in actually helping the environment. The fact of the matter is that a battery pack is developed in a plant using (you guessed it) fossil fuels, the cars are also made in plants using fossil fuels, and the cars themselves still use fossil fuels. In fact, it's been reported numerous times that the net pollution caused in producing a single hybrid-vehicle's battery pack is significantly more harmful to the environment than the pollution caused in producing, say, a fucking Hummer. Basically, those smug I-love-the-environment-more-than-you hybrid drivers can go fuck themselves.

Of course, there are the hybrid drivers who really only do so to earn better gas mileage. These people can go fuck themselves too. Of course a Prius will get better mileage than, say, a Corvette. The only problem is that, in terms of what the cars do, this is not an apples-to-apples comparison. If you're driving an economy-class car made for hauling three ugly kids and your fat wife around town, you can't even begin to list pros and cons versus the guy who likes his car for the motoring enjoyment that it brings. A Chevrolet Cobalt is a more reasonable comparison. It provides much better performance, and costs $14k, which is $8,000 LESS than the cost of a Prius. The gas mileage hit? Well that's where fun math comes into play.

The Cobalt gets 29mpg. The Prius gets 50.

Let's put the cost of gas at $4/gallon, to provide the most advantage to the Prius. As we very well know, gas does NOT cost $4/gallon, and doomsday-economics aside, it probably never will cost that much. Still, I like to give the opposition the benefit of the doubt. Additionally, let's say we drive both of these cars 100,000 miles, which is far more than the average person will drive.

The cost of driving the Cobalt 100,000 miles = 3,448.28 gallons * $4/gallon = $13,793.10.
The cost of driving the Prius 100,000 miles = 2,000 gallons * $4/gallon = $8,000.00.

Net savings? About $6,000 by the time you're at 100,000 miles, BUT you've paid an additional $8,000 for the joy of driving a hybrid. And that's IF gas costs $4/gallon. The math gets even worse at current ~$3/gallon prices.

Hmm. So the two biggest arguments in favor of a hybrid are shot down: you do not help the environment, and you do not save money. Additionally, by driving a hybrid, you automatically seem like a pretentious fag, you look like a tool without testicles, your car performs like shit, and everybody else rolls their eyes at you. So what the fuck is the point of driving one? Maybe it's a hippie thing I'll never understand.