Talking about eating like a man (me) vs. eating like an animal.
Me: I'm kind of a simpleton when it comes to food. At least I'm not a dirty savage like you.
Heather: I like to try new things. I thought that was a good thing. I love all kinds of food.
Me: Snails are not food. Thanks.
Heather: Yeah they are. If they're edible, they're food.
Me: Cum is edible. Would you drink a bowl of cum?
Heather: What kind of cum?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Big (Little) Asian Man
Conversation w/ my Asian buddy, weighing in at barely over a hundred pounds.
Me: I just fucking stay home. Friday, Saturday nights too. All I do is study.
Marvin: For what?
Me: For CFA, Level II. If I pass, shouldn't be too hard to break six figures.
Marvin: Nice nice...
Me: And then I'll find me the boy of my dreams. He'll look like you, but have like a really HUGE dick.
Marvin: So EXACTLY like me then?
Me: I just fucking stay home. Friday, Saturday nights too. All I do is study.
Marvin: For what?
Me: For CFA, Level II. If I pass, shouldn't be too hard to break six figures.
Marvin: Nice nice...
Me: And then I'll find me the boy of my dreams. He'll look like you, but have like a really HUGE dick.
Marvin: So EXACTLY like me then?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Ghetto Neighbors
I live in what's commonly referred to as "the ghetto". This means that I have ghetto neighbors.
Last night, I went to go do my laundry in the shared facility inside our complex. When it came time to throw the clothes in the dryer, the true ghettoness of one particular neighbor came out. When I got into the room, she was washing a pink shirt in one of those big sinks they have in laundry rooms. We greeted each other, I put my clothes in the dryer, and went back to my unit.
Now, being that I'm obnoxiously early for everything, I went to go retrieve my clothes just a little early. Instead of going back to my unit, I decided to just chill and wait there. Within a couple minutes, the "IN USE" light turned off, and the dryer began winding down. I opened it up and began retrieving my clothes, and I find... her fucking pink shirt and one of those hair tie things (scrunchy?)! How cheap is that? This stupid bitch decided to freeload her ugly t-shirt with my dryer load! The best part is, as I was walking out (taking her shit with me), she was walking in, and she gave me the classic deer-in-headlights look as I walked away smiling. At least she had the decency not to stop me and mention that she tried to steal my dryer time.
My shirt and scrunchy(?) now, bitch. Now to figure out what I'm going to do with a pink lady's shirt and a hair tie.
Last night, I went to go do my laundry in the shared facility inside our complex. When it came time to throw the clothes in the dryer, the true ghettoness of one particular neighbor came out. When I got into the room, she was washing a pink shirt in one of those big sinks they have in laundry rooms. We greeted each other, I put my clothes in the dryer, and went back to my unit.
Now, being that I'm obnoxiously early for everything, I went to go retrieve my clothes just a little early. Instead of going back to my unit, I decided to just chill and wait there. Within a couple minutes, the "IN USE" light turned off, and the dryer began winding down. I opened it up and began retrieving my clothes, and I find... her fucking pink shirt and one of those hair tie things (scrunchy?)! How cheap is that? This stupid bitch decided to freeload her ugly t-shirt with my dryer load! The best part is, as I was walking out (taking her shit with me), she was walking in, and she gave me the classic deer-in-headlights look as I walked away smiling. At least she had the decency not to stop me and mention that she tried to steal my dryer time.
My shirt and scrunchy(?) now, bitch. Now to figure out what I'm going to do with a pink lady's shirt and a hair tie.
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